My fitness journey

Chosing your personal/online trainer can be tricky, thus I would like to share with you my own fitness journey. It has always been a rocky road, and by any means I was not active nor sporty kid in my early years. I did not like moving, I was smart enough to trick our PE teachers so I could avoid bare minimum of activity that school is providing. Taking stairs has always been the biggest struggle and If there was no cake at the party I would have not join it. The only joy in life I seen was food, and I could eat A LOT. Despite the fact that I hated any physical activity and lived to eat I was never satisfied how I looked, relatives comments on "how soft I look and how big my cheeks has gotten" was not helpful either. So I just made myself to believe that I was simply born to be bigger and there's not much I can do about it.

First time I entered the gym at the age of 16. Unfortunately, at the time I have discovered all times worst diet pill called starvation, which led me into significant weight loss and clinical eating disorder. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, however, even at the worst days of the sickness I still glorified slim body and found extremely difficult to let go of the idea of being skinny. Once asked what do I want to study after graduating school I said "health, nutrition and exercising", and my psychotherapist told it was my illness's not my choice. It did sound smart advice, so I had chosen second option that I thought was a priority in life. I wanted to be rich, so decided to study economics, because thats the only way to be accepted by the society. Right?

Therefore I have discovered group classes at my home city Vilnius. I have become obsessed. However, I wasn't going to the fitness classes to lose weight but simply made me happy. Very soon I have discovered that movement makes me happy, but at that time I wasn't at the place where I could easily workout and not to be judged by the people who though I do that in order to stay slim. We can all agree that anorexic girl jumping at the group class does not look any good, and raises a lot of eyebrows at the gym. Therefore I gave up an idea of joining group classes and focused on health. My eating dissorder journey was not easy, nor something I would recommend to anyone. But I have managed to get over it by taking first step - unfortunately - binge eating and rapid weight gain. At that time I had to accept to myself that my body was not meant to be skinny or slim, and I will never achieve the body of my dreams. So I had to gave up on my goal body and accept the fact that I'm simply "bigger" than other girls in my country. I managed to put my focus towards my studies and work, at the time I was studying economics and planing my corporate banking life. I allowed myself to stay "bigger" as deep inside I knew that going against my body will not going to bring any good. And I knew my body is furious for those few starvation years. So I accepted the fact that I need to eat and fuel my body, limit workouts as that was too triggering at the time, make sure I don't limit my food or counting calories.

Living in a hell - that's how I can describe my life after bouncing back. Technologies were not as advanced back then, information was not that accessible, and my english knowledge was limited too. But intuitively I knew I will be okay in the future, just need to allow myself to heal from the damage I have done first. It took 5 years till I could go back to the gym without any guilt or hidden reason to burn fat.

Finally, the biggest breaking point was moving to Amsterdam. I moved here after graduating in economics and completely fell in love with the city. Freedom was attracting me the most. I got the job at the office and thought will gonna call it a day. Unfortunately from the first day I realised how much suffer it gives me. meanwhile I have found the gym and was obsessed with high intensity and boxing classes. Within first years I have heard multiple comments from teachers if I have ever considered teaching at the gym myself, but I was too shy and uncomfortable in my own skin at the time. So I have dedicated myself to say YES to every single possibility coming my own way and got the gym as fitness instructor and group class teacher in multiple gyms within first year. Also I always had the mindset that the teacher must be the biggest role model of the gym, therefore I dedicated myself to lear and be able to do every possible movement at the gym flawlessly. Trust me, if you have 40 eyes staring at you while executing pushup - most likely your willpower to make it perfect will be very high! Would you think my fitness journey has ended here as "long and happy"? Not really.. I have faced the issue of constant exhaustion due to overtraining during my work hours, so first half year was tricky, I found challenging to train myself after staying at the gym multiple hours till I realised that the fact I spend my work hours here does not make my muscles work and in order to stay in good shape.

What's my secret now? There's no secret - wake up, say thanks, move and repeat. Thats what I live by. Try to have good rest and workout balance, feeling your body with the foods that makes you stronger at the gym and gives you maximum amount of energy, appreciating your rest and sleep, prioritising my trainings as much as I prioritise my work. Because both of the are equally important. In order to focus on how your body looks like at the moment its better to focus on what your body is capable of doing. And if you do it consistently and with the right plan or guidance there's no doubt you will see the changes in your physique!

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